(do you really think it's a mind in there or just a little buzz like a bee in a glassjar?)

tuesday october 23

John Updike
A&P
(i vaguely remember reading this one before. there was an a&p around the corner from my nana and papa's house in the bronx--such narrow narrow isles.)

the guy a row over and two desks down is my "stokesie," two babies for him and he's two years younger than i. he seems happy with his situation, even said he intended for the second son to be more two years after the first. but i know what i make and yes, as we often say: BABIES ARE CUTE. also though, babies are expensive and babies are time consuming. no doubt though, they're worth every dime and day. i just know where things stand in life and...yeah.

that store though, oh that store! i was really pleased with updike's description. the narrow isles, without signage, had a one-way flow and the content of any given row was a surprise. low ceilings, humming lights and the beeping of the register-i'm familiar with it all. when our store got the deposit bottle machine things got exciting. we'd gather all the liter bottles from the pizza place, drink things when we weren't thirsty and keep our eyes peeled. you can still get the same $0.05 for a can. fifteen years ago ten cans got you candy but now you'd probably need like...nineteen. inflation. ugh. and to think my mother used to get a soda and a slice for a quarter.

What a Thought

in an attempt to stimulate my brain during the work-week i have decided to read a short story and write a little response daily. s.h.s.h.s. and i will be reading the same story on fridays so we can discuss it over friday dinner and also recommend stories from our week. (without contractors around to provide fodder for our nightly phone calls, i'm turning to the stacks...)

and so, without further adieu:
What a Thought
by Shirley Jackson

i can't even tell you how many times i've resisted the strange urge to kiss a stranger.
it isn't that i even sense any attraction. from time to time, mostly when i was working in coffee shops, i'd feel self conscious and hold on the counter, nervous that maybe i could accidentally lean across and plant one on them. similarly, i've had the fear of getting off the phone with just anyone, ending the call with "i love you."those are at least NICE things.
i've also felt compelled to throw my cell-phone off the pier (not because it was annoying.) i've thought about dropping my inhaler out of a high window, flinging a favorite book into a body of water...all sorts of strange impulses. and i know i'm not alone in this. i know i can't be. i haven't wanted to kill anyone, though i have looked someone in the face and thought about insulting them, "thank you, i hate your hair," or "wow, you're a really rude jerk."
it isn't so much that i think these things and that's it, but i used to really be afraid of saying these things. like...not saying them in a way that was intended to be mean, more, in a way that it just happens. fortunately, as of yet, it has not happened. keep up the good work, self.